The Disappointing Pin-up Dress

I wanted to look like a sexpot pin-up girl

from the 1940s.

I ordered:

the dress in yellow,

the shoes in red and white,

the cardigan sweater in red,

the headband in red polka dots.

I looked like:

Ronald McDonald,

the mom from Christmas Story,

Flo from Mel's Diner,

somebody's mother-in-law

or grandmother,

a combination of Saturday Night Live characters,

a goddamn circus tent.

The mister says:

"Those shoes say:

There's no place like home

except the bowling alley."

Maybe he's never seen so much sexy in one place.

I've clicked my heels together a million times,

but I can't get anywhere but here.

*If you're not sure if sexpot is one word or two, DON'T google it!